The Truth

I sit on my usual stool writing this post now with a heart that may possibly well be heavier than yours - if my words and my actions pained you, then you can least expect it has pained me twice as heavy, and keeping them all from you has been the biggest chunk of it all. I pause for a short moments as I consider my thoughts and my jury of minds stage a madhouse in my brain. It's enough to bring me to tears.

I've intended to yet conceal this again within a flurry of words only the writer in me could possibly bring to reality. But you're right, things are best kept in the open rather than left in the dark. Maybe it's something I've been missing and losing for the past few days. I've tried hiding the darkness - the nightmare - in a curtain of smiles and amusement, maybe because I know it's the web and it won't hurt to hide it until it passes away. Then you'd worry about nothing next time we meet or talk again. But I couldn't possibly live a lie for a long while, not when my problems seem to have no end at all.

Yes, I might have told you that the problems might have abated, but I figured as less. Like a tide washing in the shoreline, they just receded then came back with an even greater splurge. I do not wish to pain you or burden you any further with what's troubling my mind, because I don't want you to hate someone in my behalf. We both saw the consequence of that happening, and I don't want it to happen again. But of course you have to know eventually - and well, in a nutshell, it's mostly school, home, and me.

School. You are aware of the effort I put up with always at school and just the fact that I am constantly tormented by what I had experienced last December doesn't lighten matters. It's one place where I don't think I can reconcile easily, and I am sure you are aware of that.

Home. I've told you the problems at home have receded in a compromise, but after that conversation everything went upside down as I was left to ponder on a thought that now pits both interests in the balance. The fact that I really can never win an argument at home infuriates me and leaves me dwelling on it more than on other happier and more interesting things.

Me. Yes, me. I do not wish to tell of this, as I am sure this is the worst I could possibly bring. All this time, with the two issues above combining and prying my brains open, containing the third isn't proving to be an easy task anymore, and sometimes it leads to unexpected spillouts that I attempt to quell with the sanity that I still have. I do not wish to be troubled as a mad person, but perhaps it is the flaw of those who are, in what other people view, "smart". They have too much to think of and sometimes get lost in it, be it their miseries or their joys.

In my case, the volume of the two problems that had sunk in my mind seemed to have blocked out the traces of the happiness inside me and contained them in a prison that only gets several moments of being set free. And weird enough, they sink in at their worst at night, the only time I've got for being online. For being with my other circle of friends. For being with you.

It pains me that I end up in a non-talkative mood at night as the problems race around in my head, even before sleep. And the fact that you are missing the moments of days back when we were animatedly chatting makes things all the more burdensome for me since I can't even bring my fingers to write a sentence or a paragraph. Well not this time, I suppose. My own tactlessness has brought things to this erroneous point. I know I'm wrong. Very wrong.

One thing remains clear to me all this time, and it's what keeps me writing and responding even if my insides are strangling my brains into submission and silence. I know I still love you, and that's the only shred of hope that I've clung into, keeping me from falling into the abyss of my miseries and woes. Time and time again the devil has visited me and tried convincing me that the love has dissipated but I've done my best to repel the thoughts because I know I still love you, and nothing will make me change that.

My words earlier might have sounded a bit harsh, and I'll admit I was tactless to say it. It's just that I am asking for you to bear with me until the misery dissipates and the sun shines on my life again - maybe if things work out well enough for me by the turn of the month. Sure, it's a long shot of days, but I'll try my best to bring myself to speed whenever you're there waiting for me. I might not be on a communicative mood, but I'm listening all the same. I haven't shut myself up completely, and I definitely won't on you.

I'm sorry for hurting you like this, I know you don't deserve it. I do, I suppose, but you don't, and the fact that you might have cried several times before and after this makes things even more unsettling for me, since I don't want you of all people to cry, especially on something I've done in err.

I'm heading off to bed, praying that this all somehow reaches a resolution by tomorrow. And well, I'm not enjoying this kind of silence. Deep inside, it might have been what my misery-filled mind wanted, but the remaining part of me consumed by my own dark thoughts says otherwise. I guess I'll have to win this war out in me... *sigh*

The Vampiric Chronicles Part 23: The Nightmare

This may appear as a shock when reading, it might appear a little serious, but please hear me out, especially the end part... *sigh*

Weeks passed by uneventfully and as each day passed by over the Manor, a shadow descended upon John, eating away on his mind and consuming him in a daze he had never experienced before. At first it appeared like an ordinary illness, a headache that would be gone by the morning, but as the days grew into weeks and spawned months along the way, it felt as if the shadow had sunk into his mind.

Afraid of letting the shadow get the best of him, John fought in the earlier days of its manifestation, fighting back his emotions and thoughts to make sure he will not be in danger of causing harm to his companions at home. While some of his friends suspected his actions, none of them had any hint as to his real condition. No, not even the witch, Sandra, knew of it. John knew that the impact of her knowing would be too great. No, he attempted to resolve it himself. In the past few days he had grown quite unstable that he had to shun himself in his bedroom chamber, refusing food and drink from the servants and sleeping earlier than expected.

Such a worsening condition definitely passed with suspicion inside the house, and one evening Tom decided to pay the vampire a visit in his chambers. While Sandra, Mark, and Paul were talking about that as well over dinner, the young warlock opted to find things out from the vampire himself.

"Sir John?" Tom asked, lightly tapping the door with his fingers.

"Leave me be." came John's voice from inside.

"Sir John, is anything the matter? You have refused food and drink for the past few days. I do not believe you are to be left alone."

There was silence for several minutes until John suddenly said, "Come in..."

Without hesitation, the warlock entered John's chamber and almost gasped in shock - the whole room was in disarray!

"Tread carefully around the broken shards of wood and glass." John said. He had a stiff voice as he sat on his now half-wrecked four-poster bed, his back turned on the warlock. Tom looked at the floor, and here and there lay battered and shattered remnants of wooden chairs and the wall mirror.

"Wh-what has happened with you, Sir John?!" Tom cried. "Are you feeling well? You have not turned to a werewolf, have you?"

"Be sensible for once, boy." John snapped at him. "I am already a vampire. How could I possibly turn into a werewolf as well?"

"Oh, um, y-yes. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. Sit down and tell me what you want."

John's voice was cold and commanding, but Tom sensed that he was fighting a snappy retort. Curious, interested, and afraid at the same time, the young warlock pulled up a chair in front of John and sat down. The vampire had his head rested on his hands, clutching his hair tightly like as if he had a bad headache.

"Sir, what has been troubling you these past few days?" Tom asked. "Sir Mark is worried, and Lady Sandra is even more, I..."

"Sandra..." John said. "N-no... she must not know of this..."

"S-Sir John?"

And John suddenly burst into tears.

"T-Tom..." John said, turning two teary eyes at the young warlock. "I've loved Sandra with all my life, you know that. It is she who made my miserable existence complete in many details and has shed me some hope in my grim world. But... but now, I... I cannot explain what is happening to me!"

"Tell me, Sir John. Maybe I can help you."

"Y-yes, maybe you can... but please hear me out. I do not know what has befallen me, but I can't take this anymore, not on them, on you, nor on anyone else... I... I feel so muted, and lifeless..."

"Lifeless...?"

"Like as if I've lost myself completely. You know how I was before this... this nightmare settled in on me. Right now I can't even bring myself to words when I talk to her, and her piercing words and eyes make me all the more guilty that I cannot even bring myself to talk to her!"

"B-but why can't you?"

"I don't know! Don't ask me... even I don't have the answer... all this time I've tried concealing myself by trying to act normal, but my mind can't take it anymore... I've been snapping up lately and I know I can't take this anymore..."

"H-how did this happen...?"

"I do not know as well... one thing is for sure: this will continue manifesting within me, and I know in due time I won't be able to stop this, not unless I am left be for a while."

"B-but that is..."

"Y-yes, I know." John choked, now burying his face in his hands. "I cannot even bring myself anymore to the horror of thinking of all of your reactions if I am to do that, but please tell them for me, Tom. I don't know for how long this may take, for I need to exterminate this nightmare by myself."

"I... I will, but S-sir John, you cannot continue like this forever...!"

"I understand that... I just need time... the overwhelming burden of this nightmare is consuming my mind completely and I do not want to suddenly break down in front of them. No, I will sort this out by myself."

"How do we know if you have done away with it?"

"Healing may perhaps not be immediate. I even doubt a witch's brew or a warlock's spell could possibly reverse this effect, but I will try to clear my mind and when those times come I'll probably be more communicative and lively, but not permanently until I can completely rid myself of this illness."

"I, I understand, Sir John. No matter what happens, we will remain by your side. Rest assured I will tell them what ails you."

"Please, do not make them worry. I do not want them to be troubled about me. I just need to find some time and space to myself... I pray they understand."

"I'm sure they will, sir."

"Th-thank you, Tom..."

Tom patted John on the back, then quietly went out of the chamber, leaving the vampire to his musings.

I... I'm sorry... I know there will be an end to this, but perhaps not too soon... the problems, the trouble, the stress, and everything else are currently colliding and I can't stem them fully, eating away on my nicer side. I hope everyone understands :(

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Hi there again! Right now my blog's starting to highlight points that underline the blog title itself: Gamer at Heart!

Right now, aside from practicing to be an illusionist with the DS (and failing considerably, given the fact that the tricks require extreme practice to perform flawlessly), I've also taken up the role of a defense attorney and engage in a courtroom battle of wits - all courtesy of Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix Wright is a three-series game adapted from its Gameboy Advance version and now ported successfully to the Nintendo DS. You take on the role of the Defense attorney, Phoenix Wright, as he engages in a series of somewhat-related cases that unfold a major storyline of the game. The three series are Ace Attorney, Justice for All, and Trials and Tribulations. Some later cases with the latter two games will not directly involve Phoenix defending in court, but rather his companions and even rival would do it!

It's entirely a battle of wits, you having to perform an investigation at the crime scene and related places and also to converse with a number of witnesses, some actually testifying in court and some assisting on your investigation. In examining the locations, you obtain useful evidences and items that might aid you in proving your theories and/or charges in Court.

After an investigation, the trial itself begins, and you are introduced as the defense, your intellectual enemy being the prosecution. In most of the cases, Phoenix's rival is Miles Edgeworth, a High Prosecutor and well-known to win a lot of cases with a guilty verdict.

There's also the judge, of course, a man of wise judgment but can easily be swayed by points of both prosecution and defense. More often that not he agrees with prosecution unless the defense has something credible to present.

Courtroom battles here progress with lesser bureaucracy than what traditional courtrooms might have, given the absence of references to laws, rights, or any other judicial stuff that might pertain to the written law. All cases convened are murder and thus the duties are simply made clear for everyone to understand properly: the Prosecution is to exercise all means to prove the defendant guilty, be it by use of falsified evidences or testimonies; and the Defense is to protect his client by revealing flaws and exposing lies in the testimonies, or anything else that might appear as - as the game states - contradictory.

The Prosecution gets its way with witnesses, thus they are the ones presenting witnesses and sometimes, other evidence that you might have missed. Each witness gives one or more testimonies of what he/she saw at the crime scene and with each point of the testimony you are given the option to test its truthfulness by pressing her with the issue. The witness will reveal extra information but sometimes it won't be helpful, or it will be covered up by an objection of the prosecution.

Once a lie has been found, the defense can begin cross-examining. During a cross-examination, evidence is normally required to prove a lie in the witness's statement. As Miles Edgeworth himself says, "The only thing that belongs in a trial is evidence!". Therefore evidence is necessary! Present the right one and you nail the witness and the prosecutor. Present a wrong one, and the judge nails you!

From there on it's a series of testimonies, arguments, and cross-examinations. Phoenix's mentor, Mia Fey, has said that "Once you break through a witness's testimony, everything else falls apart." Therefore, once a lie has been exposed, it will be difficult to re-arrange one's testimony again. More often that not it leads him to expose more than what was necessary. Prosecution may object, but it will be too late.

In the end, everything culminates to a 'NOT GUILTY' verdict, but that is, if you have the brains to prove it!

Master of Illusions - Magic Performances on the DS!

*tips top hat*

Good day today! I momentarily break the Chronicles again since there is one thing that definitely caught my interest when I was playing through some games on my DS - and that is Master of Illusions!

What is this game, you might ask? Well it's like a game that functions as a magic prop and a magic performance stage at the same time. It empowers you (along with the DS and its helpful tricks and tips) to make a dazzling performance in front of anyone - friends, family, even strangers! It's a really interesting find for me. XD

It's not dubbed as a game per se, but rather a pastime program that you'd like to visit daily (since you can only practice for so much daily and practicing unlocks more and better magic tricks to play around with). The game provides you with magic tricks to use and also teaches you the fundamentals of performing the tricks without catching the audience's suspicions - of course to do that perfectly you need to practice, practice, practice!

Aside from the fact that you can render performances with magic tricks, there is also a built-in Magician inside the game that can perform tricks for you! Of course his tricks are way better than yours and some employ the functionalities of the DS to complete.

As a taster of what I might perform for you should we meet with my DS, here's one - the Twin Candles trick:

Instructions:

1. Blow on the DS mic. Both candles should go out. Blow on it several times after the Magician lights it for you.
2. Pick a candle among the two (it's either the red candle or the blue candle). Then point your index finger at it.
3. Blow on the DS mic again.

Here's a pic: [courtesy of Gamespot!]

The Vampiric Chronicles Part Twenty-Two: A Moment Withheld

Been a long time since I posted! I'll have to brush up around here. XD

One week passed after the sinister events that befell the Witch Diane, and even as Mark, Paul, John, Sandra, and Tom discuss it over dinner they still cannot believe the harsh brutality that the town mayor exhibited over the poor witch. Although Diane did survive the conflagration of her house with the execution of several clever witchwork and the help of underground passages within her shack, she has now, according to Sandra, fled to the countrysides to the homes of the outlying witches that reside there.

"Of course she will be safe there as I am here, but there's no telling what that mad mayor might do should he encounter more witches." Sandra said. "Have you heard what happened to his daughter?"

"Yes." Mark said curtly, slicing half-cooked steak in his plate and spearing it with his fork. "From what I hear, his daughter died several days ago of intense fever and what they believe to be witchcraft at its worst."

"No better words can describe that." Sandra said. "We witches are helpful and kind to a fault, but if we are disrupted by these non-believers then we can set loose nature upon them!"

John didn't reply, nor was he even listening to their conversation. Several things had come to his attention recently and often he sneaks some time out of the Manor, preferably at night and during the moments when Sandra educates young Tom. Not that he's evading her, but he's got several things in mind.

"Uhm, excuse me for a moment," John said, rising up from the chair all of a sudden. "I'll... I'll need to take a short walk."

"I'll come with you." Sandra said, half-rising from her chair, but John held her back.

"N-no, this is something I must do myself." John said, taking extra caution to choose his words carefully. He didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Well, if that's what you like." Sandra said. "You be careful now."

"That's something to be said for those who cross me."

Sandra smirked. John strode to the door, put on a coat, and went out of the Manor.

"Y-you two are not fighting, are you?" Mark asked curiously.

"Not at all!" Sandra said suddenly. "Why do you ask that?"

"Nothing."

*****

John walked along the almost-empty town streets, watching the town folk light the street lamps and close up shops. He stopped in front of the bookstore where he and his friends normally stayed, then entered without anyone noticing.

"Oh, hi John." Jason said, looking up from his reading. "Took you a short while to get here."

"Sorry, we're having dinner." John said. "Had to excuse myself. Is it ready?"

"Not yet, but it's almost done. I'll just need Anthony's assistance to finish it."

"Thanks. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you guys."

"Not a problem, man. You take care with her now."

"I will."

John went out of the bookstore, thinking deeply. Thoughts danced around his mind as he walked along the street, all revolving around the single woman in his life. Sandra had been the best thing that had come in his darkened and miserable vampiric life, yet there's something missing that he seems to fail to give.

"Just a little more time..." John said to himself, frowning. "I'm sorry, I'll have to hold it a bit longer..."

He looked up at the night sky, as a light snow started to fall. He had completely forgotten - it's almost Christmas.

"Maybe during then." John said.

Now I wonder what that is *giggles*